7 Stages of Grief
by m-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing
Summary: Sort of a re-write of last night's episode based around Connie :D Will stay a one-shot x


**Based around last night's episode- I have tweaked a lot of the speech, re-ordered some events etc but I hope you enjoy! Reviews are of course welcomed :D -Sophie x **

**(P.S- if anyone had any suggestions for one shots, do feel free to PM me! Though please bear in mind that Connie is my speciality :) )**

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That was it- she had gone. Her beautiful baby girl had flown half way around the world- without her. Connie knew she was gone; she awoke to a still, silent house with no signs of life. She went about her daily business as per usual, but with a deep gaping hole within her heart that she knew she couldn't fill again.

But despite this, subconsciously she couldn't accept it. After the initial shock at the airport of seeing her walk hand in hand with her grandma through that airport terminal and out of her life, Connie couldn't help but hope to see her running back again, begging her not to let her go.

But she didn't, and it broke her heart.

It was the day before Holby's annual inspection and the clinical lead threw herself into her work. She flitted from one patient to another, diagnosing here, discharging there, working through both her break and lunch hour to ensure the department was running smoothly and as it should be.

As she was walking from resus to reception, Connie noticed one of the pictures on the wall was ever so slightly lopsided.

"Little things…" She muttered before trying to edge the left hand side up so it was in line with the right. However, it didn't want to move and the woman became increasingly annoyed until someone behind her said her name.

"Mrs Beauchamp?"

She rolled her eyes at that unfortunately familiar voice and turned around, immediately crossing her arms over her chest.

"What is it Rita, I'm busy." She said expressionlessly, looking over her shoulder back into reception.

"Well it's been brought to my attention that some of the F2's don't know how to use the new IV pump in resus. With the inspection tomorrow I thought I'd better get this sorted so I was going to arrange some training for them in their lunch break. Put out some food, make it fun."

"Lovely, I'm sure they'll be ecstatic." Connie muttered sarcastically before walking off to her original destination- reception, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Instead of taking the less than subtle hint, Rita dared to follow her.

"I'm more than happy to arrange everything, it's just I thought they were meant to have proper training for things like that. Why haven't they already? Didn't you check?" The senior nurse persisted.

"They should have known already." The clinical lead replied shortly as she reached the desk and took the files Noel handed to her.

"But it's your job to ensure they know these things!" Rita persisted, becoming increasingly exasperated. Connie's eyes flared and she turned to face her, face tensing up.

"Listen to me, what I do with my team is none of your concern. You keep your nose out and do your own job rather than muscling in on mine." She snarled just as Zoe came around the corner. She shot Noel a questioning look which was returned by an equally confused shrug.

"Well if this department fails because you can't handle your staff properly then so be it!" Rita threw her arms up in angry desperation before walking off, her small body slamming into the swinging doors that lead to cubicles.

Connie shot her retreating figure a look that could kill before stalking off in the other direction. Tess wandered over, watching her clinical lead storm off before giving Zoe some papers.

"What happened here?" She asked and Zoe just sighed.

"7 stages of grief." She replied simply, "and something tells me she's not going to get over it too soon either."

Back in her office, Connie logged onto her emails to find one from Grace. She clicked on it to find an attachment- a selfie of her in New York. She laughed to herself and touched the screen where her face was, half in longing, half in sadness.

She clicked reply and began to type:

"I know I should have said this before but the truth is I have messed up "big time" as you'd say, and I miss you…"

Just as she was about to ask about when she'd be coming home, something stopped her. Something in the depths of her subconscious stopped her from placing fingers to keyboard. It was inevitable, Grace finding other living arrangements. She couldn't give her the love and care she deserved and needed, whereas someone else could.

It was at that moment that Connie realised, truly realised, that her baby girl was gone. She wouldn't be coming back anytime soon because she had messed up, as she had typed, "big time". It was all her fault, and there was nothing she could do now to change that.

The woman let out the deep breath she had been holding and stared at her computer monitor with sad, unseeing eyes. She let her hands fall to her lap as she slowly came to the realisation that her life would never be the same again.

Lofty came and knocked on the door to inform her of an RTC and she was jolted from her thoughts. She thanked him, and after a short chat with Ethan and Lily, went back out onto the shop floor.

She treat one of the children involved in the crash- a young boy of about 13/14 that she was told was named Liam.

After assessing him, she soon realised his heart was beating much slower than they had expected. Lofty had tried talking to his dad but it was obvious he wasn't the favourite child. After checking his records, they discovered his mother died in the hospital so she wasn't around to call either.

Connie approached his bed and began to tell him was what happening.

"What we need to do is sedate you in order to help your heart rate increase, ok?"

He nodded and the doctor injected him with the clear liquid. Immediately his eyes began to close, and just as she was about to walk away, Liam grabbed her hand and held it tight.

"Mum…" he mumbled sleepily as his eyes slowly shut. Connie looked down at the bed, the boy's face flickering from his to Grace's, causing her to pause. Now was a chance, it was only small but still- to rectify her actions when her daughter had needed her so badly. Connie squeezed his hand ever so gently.

"It's ok darling." Her voice was barely audible as she looked down at that innocent child, so vulnerable and small on that harsh white hospital bed. Her mind thought back to when Grace had just been born and all the time she spent by _her _bedside, and she sighed softly.

"It's ok."


End file.
